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The last day of, Sweet November - Guns N Roses
11/30/04 4:55 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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Well, day 2. My original goal was to come home Saturday, finish all of my assignments due for the week so I could rest on Sunday and have an easy-going week. WRONG, so far this week has been hell only because I have caused it to be. Bummer, why the f*** did you do that Chaz, some of you may be thinking... well, I stayed up all night Sunday-Monday watching movies, playing games with Tim, slept a little Monday and here I am up again all night Tuesday banging out every assignment known to man. OK, well I must admitt, it did take some time, but now I am adjusting to this and finally finishing up my homework, w00t!

I have something else to share with everyone, remember that little conference I was a delegate for... IACURH? Turns out, I had met this girl named Brittany and she goes to school in Montana, she e-mailed me the other day and I replied back. Found out she had MSN, added her to my list and BAM we started talking. She gave me her phone number and wanted me to call her sometime, well before I had the chance my room mate went to sleep and I had just text'd her saying what's up. To make a long story short, this girl is really cool, down to earth and has a bitchin personality. Guess what, I'm traveling to Montana the last weekend of January for a little weekend get away. Should be fun, have to work everything out but I'm totally looking forward to it.

I do not know what else to write but I will get back to my paper and finish it up, I'll post it sometime hah. LATES

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I constantly reminis all those times I never spent with you...
11/27/04 11:28 PM - Submitted by Chaz

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Ok, I am back home once again and finally taking a break from traveling for a while, (like two weeks). I am really getting tired of this bouncing around here and there, I just want to stay in one place for longer than three days.

Anyhow, I was browsing the net, missing my parents and all with all the death happening in our family and I ran across this site Tina Marie Hawn about my mother written by my Grandmother (her mom). Was nice to see that pop up on a search, nothing shows up when I type my dads name, except his old business website. While we are on this subject, I found this written by my mother about my uncle Steven,

"In tribute to Steven Martin Totschek It has been 3 weeks since you left us dear brother.. the sorrow and pain is almost to much to bare. You meant so much to each and every one of us it is just hard to understand why you took your life when you had the whole world ahead of you. You were so young, only 29 had a family who loved you so much why didn't you come to us if things were that bad? You didn't leave a note or even say goodbye now we'll never know why you felt the only way out was to die. Things will never be the same without you. We love and miss you so much and only pray that you are in a better place where you will suffer no more. We will cherrish the memories of good times that we shared, and hold them close to our hearts forevermore. Know that you are loved and will be missed dearly by all of us. Until we meet again. Love Always, Mom,Michael,Jasmine,Barbie,Tena,Chaz,Heather,Nikki,Kaylee,Patty,and your daughter Amber"

Ok, so I cannot find much more of anyone else, although I only checked one engine and did not try that hard, but it is good to look at these things to help keep our loved ones close even though they may seem so far. Anyway, I think I am out, this post is done and it turned out to go the opposite way I wanted it to go, so until next time fucka's!

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Just a quickie, I am all about the quickies, :)
11/24/04 12:41 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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What the fuck is up LIFE? Well, I arrived back in Tucson around 3:00 in the morning today and I had class in three hours before I got some sleep. Ok, yes I missed two classes and only made it to my English class but that is OK because I have an excuse from the Dean. I had to get everything taken care of and I am leaving tomorrow morning at 10:30 with my sisters to go out to New Mexico to spend the holidays over at my Aunt's side of the family's houses. Don't know if that last sentence made sense but oh well, I am in a hurry and just wanting to update to let everyone know I am back in town for a few more hours, ha peace.

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This is for my home boy Kev, best friends for life.
11/17/04 1:01 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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This is a huge update, NOT but instead it is a shout out to my homie Kevin back in my home town, Flower Mound. Love ya bro, keep it real and don't forget. Rave 4 Life

I'll update later when I feel more motivated to think. Sweet.

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Just some cool ramble about nothing at all.
11/16/04 4:24 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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Another late night and Mr. Sandman forgot to drop by and give me a visit. It is such a trip to think I have class in less than four hours. I just can't quite get that through my head, oh well. I guess I just felt like devoting some more time to this here website just so I could be a pimp and relax by closing my eyes while I just free write whatever my brain tells my fingers to type on the keyboard. Just to let anyone who doesn't know already, I have definitely mastered the keyboard and I can type so fast that it seems unfathomable to the average human being. For I surpass ones intellectual far beyond the galaxy known as the Chazzy Way, hold on...

So the computer is just another way for me to waste time in this remarkable saga which we know as Life. I spend a lot of time here on the computer, aimlessly for hours upon hours doing absolutely nothing sometimes. It is pretty damn funny to me that I have actually been using computers over half of my life and yet I still tend to use them like never before. I guess what I am trying to do is understand what my purpose is and re focus myself. I have a vision which is continually being skewed with obstacles here and there. What does that mean? Well that means that my vision is no longer clear but it is blurry. Goodness gracious, I think I just need sleep.

Music that is what the problem is, ever since I reformatted my computer I have to rely on my external hard drive for music. The problem is I do not have WinAmp installed on my computer yet and I need to find the disc to install my Keyboard so it does not constantly shut off since I an jamming all the USB ports on my computer. AH HA!@ I GOT IT! MUSIC IS WHAT I NEED, ok - Late.

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H.A.L.T. Don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.
11/15/04 8:44 PM - Submitted by Chaz

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So the past few days have been kinda ugh, I have been trying to get ahold of my Grandmother out in California because we have not talked in a while. Well, today after talking to my Aunt Barb, who first asked me if I had talked to her in a while, I was told the bad news. The little old lady from Pasadena passed away a few days ago. They said that they believe she was just waking up or something to that manner, she was laying in her bed.

So I'm sure there will be some sort of funeral out in California this weekend which entails me driving out there with my sister(s) maybe. We'll see how that goes, as far as everything else. I kind of had a feeling inside but didn't really want to acknowledge it. That's the update for now, if anything new comes about, I'll post about it. But on a good note, from a good friend of mine Noelle she wrote this and it made me feel really good,

Noelle: honestly, chaz u are one of the greatest people, u inspire me to be happy

That just made me feel all tingly inside to know that I have that impact on people. Much love, lates.

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Uhh, word?
11/15/04 5:39 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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Hmm, another late night of insomnia. Actually, probably due to the fact that I slept all day today thinking it would help my body back to a good sleeping pattern, little did I know it would affect the rest of the evening with BLEH that is continually attacking me every single night I sit here and do this. Staying up that is. Ok, so I have a lot to do this week, another eventful week of school.

I have not been able to get ahold of my grandmother in a while, hope she is doing well. My sisters are doing well, oldest one is enjoying/hating her braces. I missed my Southwestern meeting again, I am coming to the realization that I may not sell books next summer. Two reason: first being if I am accepted to be an RA for next year, second is a little thing called NACURH. Just like IACURH but much larger and a lot more cheering. Who knows, we shall see. That is what I like to call life. Full of events and suprises.

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11/14/04 7:34 PM - Submitted by Chaz

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WOW! This week definitely goes on my TOP WEEK of the school year. Camp IACURH was absolutely awesome. I cannot describe how incredible it was to meet so many people from other schools in RHA. (Residence Hall Association) I must say that it was truly an honor to be one out of the fifteen delegate's to represent the University of Arizona.

We hosted Camp IACURH this year which means the 26 colleges that participated from the Western Coast of the U.S. came to our campus. Intermountain Affiliate of College and University Residence Halls is what IACURH means.

It was a very eventful weekend full of meeting new people, networking, great seminars, excellent programs from all around the western region of the u.s. and much more. I have to say that DIVA IACURH was awesome, Leon Quan was a great public speaker too who shared his One Second to Think thoughts with us. The closing ceremony was sad, and our roll call to Thriller was badass! Haha, I could write a book on this, I'll post more later. Peace

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So Chaz, what's new with you?
11/09/04 2:58 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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As you all can see, what's new with me is the title of this post. Well I must say that I am damn bored and tired of writing this paper. I just had a caramel macchiato from Coffee Exchange and now I feel SICK. Ok, so now that we have established that, I'll go from there.

Lately, several people have asked me what's new and I have no response. So after some deep thought, I think I have finally come to one. Here goes :< BR>
I have been feeling sick lately, the past couple of days have not been good days. I feel like I am in dire need of a mother's touch, unfortunately something I will not feel again which brings me to what else is new. I think I may be a bit sad but at the same time happy, if that makes sense. I am not sure about what is going on upstairs (in my little mind which races faster than my little-heart beats...) but I think I have come to the conclusion that it relates back to girls.

There are several girls that I have my eye on, meaning - well, they are cool and I could possibly see more in the future, but I am not sure. I won't be sure until I am 100% positive of what I want, and as of now... that is something I do not know.

Are you still with me? Ok, back to what I want, I think what I want is just someone to be there to talk to, someone who likes to cuddle and watch movies on rainy days, someone who enjoys going on walks talking aimlessly about nothing for hours upon hours, someone who I can relate to and can relate to me, someone who has a unique personality and which I learn something new about them everyday, someone who is spontaneous and not generic, someone who has intelligence and an idea of what they want to do later in life, bleh... I can go on forever, but I am trying to figure out EXACTLY what I want before I pursue anything with anyone. I am not talking about a serious relationship by all means, just a cute little ''boyfriend/girlfriend'' deal. For now, I'll stick with dating.

I think a major part of that comes from my past experiences with girls, especially ex-girlfriends. Ahem, I mean... I have definitely learned a lot about not only myself, but girls in general and I have been screwed over, I have been treated well, both ways you know? That is what sends me through an emotional fluster and frustration! GRR, I have no idea what to think right now, I think I am a wreck emotionally, k. We've established that Chaz, keep going, dig deeper.

Well, for those who are still reading, listening to me sap about my feelings, I guess I'll continue on with other issues. NEXT being: ding ding, sad.

College is a huge transition, something that has just now hit me full throttle. I now understand the concepts and reason WHY I am actually here. Woah, 11 weeks have passed me like no other and now with only 5 weeks left until second semester I am in the middle of a crisis/reality check. Lately, I have missed my parents a lot more than I have the past few months. I actually believe this is completely normal, being in college now... watching everyone call their parents frequently to talk, relieve themselves of the harsh reality which they are entering upon. Listening to everyone call their parents when something goes wrong, etc... I guess in a way, it just makes me think twice about what I am going through. In a way, I feel like I am going through it alone, although I am not... That is how I feel?

Another thing of sadness that seems to upset me is my sisters. I love them to death, so much that it makes me cry when I think about how I have not been able to spend time with them or see them these past few months, ever since May... since I moved out. I have been extremely busy with school and my extra circular activities that it is just SO hard for me to scrounge up a few hours to drive down there and spend some quality time with them. Also another thing that sort of makes me sad is the fact that I have not been able to see them for longer than a few hours at a time. It is always Hi, Bye see you later. :( Ok, well I have a plan to break that haha! I am going to take my oldest sister Heather out this week and spend some time with her. I know she is going through a lot, starting High School and all and I feel that I need to be there MORE for her, something I have neglected to do. Also, the younger ones need to see me too! I am going to try to take Nikki to a movie or something and hopefully my Aunt will let me take Kaylee out to the park... That should fix that up and all will be well with that.

I feel like I am lacking balance, stability... Something Tim Ritzer and I had talked about when he was down here doing interviews a few weeks ago. I am having second thoughts about next summer. Selling books that is. It is a whole new experience from what I have heard. I know how to do the job, it just seems scary to commit my entire summer to this, and if I do I want to do it all the way through college. I just want some time off of everything so I can relax, kick back and do nothing. I feel like I have been SO busy and stressed out for the past two fucking years of my life with everything that has gone on. All the transitions, getting use to new situations... I know it is life, but shit, I am human too. I need a little balance. I think what I am missing is free time.

Just to give you an idea of what my schedule is like... From 8 in the morning to 12 Monday through Friday I have class. Ok, that is just class, lots of school. Then I am involved in my Hall Council. I am on the E-board and I am in RHA (Residents Hall Association). I am also on two committees and I am active with Youth on Their Own. I am in the Leadership Committee, and the Services Committee. I spend three hours from 6:15-8:00 p.m. on Monday with Hall Council, then 5:00-6:00 with E-board on Tuesday, 6:00-7:00 on Wednesday for Leadership Committee, 5:00-8:00 on Thursday with RHA, 4:00-5:00 with IACUHR on Friday and generally 2:00-3:30 on Friday with Youth on Their Own. Sunday I spend 3:00-5:00 with Southwestern, meeting every week with Gary, Zack, Abel, Kari and some first years. I am busy 6 days a week out of 7. Saturday is my only free day which I usually spend sleeping away. That leaves little time for Homework and no time for sleep and socializing, which I do a lot of. I also work out and swim almost every night from 7:00-9:00. The late hours of the night I spend doing homework and chatting with friends, trying to relax and do homework and yea...

Ok, after writing all of this, enough procrastinating on writing my English paper which is due tomorrow. Message me if you want to chat, haha or if you would like a buddy icon for AOL Instant Messenger. Love and Lates - Chaz

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Well, as you all know... Bush won his re-election. Woo/Boo hoo
11/04/04 5:43 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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First off I just want to say <3 Jessica who I just so happened to walk into her room while she was reading my website. That made me feel really good for some reason, god I adore her. :)

Ok, on to the juicy stuff... So I am writing this analysis over this essay called "No Place like Home" by David Guterson. It is kinda fun, I feel like I am putting together a nice piece of work, we will see in a few weeks what my teacher thinks of it, w00t. I have been working hard at this for quite some time now. I just finished watching Labrynth with Jaime downstairs in the New Basement which was a funny movie. I thought Jim Henson was smoking crack or on Shrooms when he made this one though, I found it amusing, although I was falling asleep through parts here and there.

Hmm, my Math homework is complete which feels good too, test on Friday, meh. It feels like every freaking week we have a test in this class, oh well. It may end up a class that I GRO, we'll see. I am going to enjoy next semester soooo much, I cannot wait.

Ok back to writing, enough procrastinating. I am going to finish this essay and it will be a damn good one. A, here I come.

SO I'm going to advertise just a bit since my good friend Jarl just set up a website using the same Host that I use. Stay Stoked! Haha, the Tales of Jarl.

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I lost my virginity: voting wise, duh!
11/02/04 6:07 AM - Submitted by Chaz

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Woohoo, so my $150 parking ticket was dismissed and I was granted 30 hours of community service which is way l33t. Anyway, I lost my voting virginity early today. I voted. Yes, I am Democrat and from Texas, woop woop! Ha, well... as of now I cannot sleep because I took a long power nap earlier which has kept me sustained thus forth an update.

I have class in 4 hours, wow. I am going to enjoy my Christmas Vacation, going to travel to Dallas then to Los Angeles. I miss my family. I am cold, grr and brr. :)

Life is good, especially when you have a lot of music like me, yay.

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